Tamara, my good friend passed away this month. She was only 40 years old. Thirteen months earlier she had been diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer that had metastasized to her brain, bones, liver, and stomach. She fought a valiant fight to survive. She did not want to leave her 4 children. I was honored to be asked to speak at her funeral service. I want to share my thoughts on my friend who passed away way before her time. The following are the words I spoke at her funeral service. We all know someone who either has or had cancer; thus this disease affects us all. Please, let me take this opportunity to encourage every women to have their annual mammogram.
The name of the church and the family names have been changed for privacy sake.
Thank you all for
coming to Tamara’s service. My name is Patricia, and Tamara and I were very good
friends. Today, I have two “notes” to share with you - one from me and then
one from my husband Joe. But, first, I will like to share my remembrances of a
lovely lady.
Tamara was a praying
woman. She shared with me about how scared she was when she moved to Houston
from Pennsylvania. But, she said that her parents always told her to PRAY,
PRAY, PRAY. She wasn’t going to church, but her mom said, “Tamara, you were
raised in church – you need to take the children to church.” Her mom gave her
the idea to go to the closest church. That was this church – Fruits Baptist Church. She told me she
remembers the pastor saying one day that, “You don’t have to feel lonely!” The
next day Tamara she attended a Sunday School Class. She claimed she used to be
shy, but she prayed, “God, who can I talk to?” It was in that Sunday School
class that she told me once that God provided and it was through that class
that she was able to share her life with other people and was where I became
friends with Tamara. One day, Tamara and
I were talking and I said, “Do you have
anything special I can pray for you?” She just looked at me in unbelief that I
asked her that. I didn’t understand. Then, she proceeded to tell me that I
asked her those exact same words after a Sunday School class one day, and those
words were the catalyst that started our friendship. Tamara became an active
participant in our Saturday mornings fellowship luncheon which we had once a
month too.
One day, I saw Tamara
the happiest I had ever seen her. You see, in May, 2013, we threw her a
surprise 39th birthday party. And believe me SHE WAS TOTALLY
SURPRISED. We had balloons, cards, presents, and birthday cake. We sang happy
birthday to her. She was so overwhelmed with love that her joy went from
laughter to tears. It was at this party that Tamara shared the story of her
life with us. The Holy Spirit filled the home and filled all of our hearts.
While she was blessed, I think everyone who attended her birthday party left
more filled and inspired than even she was.
She shared about how her
mom sold tomatoes to help her attend a school where she could learn English.
She shared about the beautiful furniture her dad made as a carpenter. In Tamara’s own words, she said the following
about her parents.
“My parents raised all
of their children to believe in God. My mum taught us that God is the only one
you can depend on in life. My dad taught us how to pray for our food and for
our sicknesses. My parents raised us well. In Zambia, where most of the people
they knew died of AIDS, we had parents that took good care of us. We grew up in
bad neighborhoods, but my parents were strict. They were always asking us if we
prayed for this or prayed for that.”
Tamara loved Skyping
with her family in Africa. She used to tell me about how her dad was quiet, but
sometimes she would share something with them and they would get so excited
praising God and dancing around.
Before she was
diagnosed with cancer, I prayed for her peace, for hope, for a place to live,
for a job, for a car wreck she was in, for Sunday to get a job, for her
children and more. Joe and I’s lives became totally intertwined with the
family. One time our son Joseph
took Sunday, her oldest son, with him to a park in Houston. They went walking
on a path while Joseph taught an exercise class. When the class was over, Joseph
couldn’t find Sunday anywhere. After waiting about 2 hours (and having many
conversations with Tamara about Sunday’s whereabouts, Joseph called the police.
Thursday night must be a low crime night because about 5 patrol cars were out
searching for Sunday. Finally, one of the policemen found Sunday around 9 at
night (in the dark) in the Bayou near the Beltway. The police picked up Sunday
and drove him to Joseph's car quite a few miles away. Tamara and I laughed so
hard many times about how Sunday was able to get such special treatment and how
he got to ride in a police car and he didn’t even do anything wrong. That is
just one example of the laughter we shared on many occasions.
Tamara’s love for her
children was so strong. If I had to sum up what Tamara felt about each child, it
would be this:
Victor [5th Grade]: Your mom fell
in love with your tender and sweet spirit; keep smiling for her. You are any
mom’s dream.
Faith [11th Grade]: Your mom was so
happy to have a little girl; she was thrilled with your dancing ability and
your strong desire to do well in school; keep it up for her, and keep dancing.
Sunday [2013 High School Graduate]:
What you have done for your family this past year has been unbelievable. You
were the man of the house for the three kids; you nurtured them; you made sure
they were fed; you saw that all their school papers were signed; you got them
to and from school; you took your mom to her doctor appointments; you cared for
her. You gave up a year of working and going to school to help your family. You
will be blessed. Tamara depended on you and God allowed you the privilege of
caring for her through her diagnosis and treatment. You will be blessed. And,
your mom DID notice your responsible behavior.
And myself, I have been
blessed by knowing Tamara and her family. She taught me how to love
unconditionally; she taught me to always be faithful; she taught me so much
about the African culture so when I moved to Nigeria 1 ½ years ago, I felt
ready to face the challenge. But, one thing she didn’t get around to teaching
me (and she kept promising me she would teach me is to how to tie those African
scarves around my head) – So, the first thing I will do when I see her in
heaven with be to get her to show me that.
In conclusion, I would
like to share some of Tamara’s words. In May, 2014, Tamara asked me to
write this down for her and to keep it and today I would like to share them
with you.
These are her exact
words written 5 months before her passing.
