Yesterday my 167 character Twitter post
made its way to my Facebook page.
My condensed opinion stated:
“If I had to raise children
over again,
I wouldn't allow them to sleep over at their friend's home,
and I
wouldn't let their friends sleep over at my home.
Just saying.”
As a result of my Twitter/FB post, there
were many requests to clarify my comment. This brought me to the opinion that
many families struggle with this topic and are seeking wisdom and answers on
how to handle the topic of overnight sleepovers. Thus, this blog is dedicated
to those who want clarification on why I would make such a blatant statement. Obviously,
only so much can be said in the 180 Twitter limit. So, let me continue, and
give me grace as a parent who allowed my children to spend the nights out and
attend sleepovers when they were growing up.
It is not that I haven’t had the same concerns as many of you. My
children are now 32, 30, and 28 years old, so I am looking back as a child, a
parent, and a grandma.
It seems to me that parents
need to decide themselves what is best for their own children. I believe that
Biblically, children are a gift from the Lord (Psalm 127:3). Thus, I believe parents should seek wisdom and
discernment before making decisions for their family (James 1:5). And finally,
parents should trust that the Holy Spirit will guide them in whatever decisions,
including sleepovers, they face while child-rearing (John 16:13).
In my opinion, parents are
responsible for the welfare of their children. God says it, and I believe it. As
parents, our children’s safety should be foremost in mind. I am not advocating
that our children should never spend the night at your parent’s house, your
sister’s house, or your best friend’s house. I am talking more about when your
child is asked to spend the night at a friend’s home from school where you don’t
know the parents well or your child is asked to attend a birthday slumber
party. Of course, parents are responsible for their children at all ages.
Eventually, concerns you encounter when your child is young will one day
become requests for prom overnights or coed sleepovers. Yes, even church events
are now having boy-girl sleepovers, so parents need to be pre-prepared and
have an answer at hand. I remember one of my children not quite understanding
why I would not let him spend the night at a church member's home where both
teenage boys and girls were spending the night. Yes, it was tough to say no,
but in the long run, did it hurt him? NO. Plus, hopefully, he saw that we cared
and loved him that we did not want to put him in any vicarious situation. I
feel very strongly that whether a parent’s response to all sleepovers is a firm NO
or they if they have a “depends on the circumstances” opinion, parents should
discuss beforehand what they will do when the situations occur. It is very
important for both parents to agree on all decisions regarding their children. Personally, I remember, as a 6th
grader, being invited to slumber party at my next door neighbor’s house. Things
were fun at first, but later, after the parents turned in, the activities
around 2:00 a.m. turned to Ouija boards and séances. Yes, it seemed very
innocent at first, but by 3:00 a.m., the fear of evil that I (and some of the
others faced) was unbelievable. Some of us were immobile with fright. It was my
first experience with what I will call pure evil. I survived and went on being
a kid, but it is something my parents still do not know to this day that
happened. It was something that shouldn’t have happened to someone at my age. I
remember wanting to just run home next door, but the darkness outside petrified
me. It was unexpected, unforeseeable, and definitely a spiritual event that
affected my life. In Christianity Culture
(6-24-2014), Denny Burk writes that James Dobson believes that the day of
sleepovers have passed, but in reality there are still some “spending the night”
events that do occur, and as a parent, it seems to me, that we need to be
concerned about the wide range of activities and risks that occur at sleepovers
- from playing doctor and watching inappropriate movies to predators,
pornography, guns, sexual temptations, date-rape, chat rooms, and other capricious
dangers. If we take our God given responsibility seriously, remember that God has
promised that He will guard us [and our children] from evil (2 Thessalonians
3:3).
Asking God for wisdom and
discernment in making decisions for our family and in each overnight decision
is a wise thing to do. When praying for wisdom and discernment God can and will
give us His opinion on each unique situation we encounter. When we are pre-prayed
and consistently read God’s Word, we will be guided as to what the Lord desires
us to say and do regarding both our own children and other parents. We may
incur some temporary wrath from our children, but then again, maybe not. I
remember once when our daughter was in 4th grade. She was invited to a
classmate’s slumber party. We did allow her to go. She was trained in our house
rules about what movies we allowed her and her brothers to watch. At that particular
time, our children were only allowed to watch G movies. Our daughter went to
the party, and soon after arriving, we received a call from her. She said, “Mom,
they are watching a PG movie, what should I do?” I thanked her for calling and
advised her to go into another room and do something else. And do you know what
happened? God, in his infinite wisdom, provided an escape. Almost immediately,
the other girls stopped watching the movie and joined our daughter in playing
with the dolls and other toys she was playing with in the other room. It is a
wise thing to train your children in what to do if they encounter situations
that are opposed to your family values. In another instance, one of our sons
went to a 10th grade party. We told him to call us if there was any
drinking involved and we would pick him up. It was only 8:00 p.m. when the beer
was being transported from an older brother’s car to the house. We received the
call that there was alcohol there. Our son found a ride home, and by 8:30 that
evening, he was home with us. So, be assured that God can and will take care of
your children when you seek Him. Children and teens will encounter tough
predicaments, and we must prepare them how to respond. I doubt if years later
any of those teens remember that our son left the party. I can probably
guarantee that it won’t be brought up at his upcoming 10 year high school
reunion either. When, we pray for our children, pray for a hedge of protection
them, and let them know how to respond if that hedge is opened just a little
bit. I always told our kids that God gave me a sense if they were doing
something wrong that I would know. I meant it too and I think they believed it.
Due to prayer, wisdom, and His discernment, I could tell if something was going
on that wasn’t right with our kids. I also prayed and told our kids that I
prayed that they would always get caught if they did something wrong. They
usually were caught and what better deterrent could there be than to know they
would get caught if they ventured out into the wrong direction. When God gives
you that discernment when overnight requests are brought to you, use it to
guide your decision making processes. (James 1:2-5).
I feel very strongly that
the Holy Spirit can give you peace in how to answer the tough questions
regarding spending the nights out. John
16:13 states that, “When the Spirit of truth comes; he will guide you into all
truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He
will tell you about the future.” The Holy Spirit will guide you to ask the
right question regarding whether or not to allow your children to spend the night
out. Some that you may encounter at various age levels are:
-
Who will be there? Parents, older brothers,
older sisters, uncles, aunts.
-
How vulnerable is your child to
peer-pressure?
- How can I screen a parent’s home or
the party situation without offending the parents?
-
What will happen in the case of an
emergency?
-
What movies will be shown? The
ratings, horror movies, etc.
-
What kind of supervision will be
there?
-
Is there a pool, gun, or Internet
access available?
-
Are you concerned with sleep deprivation?
-
Will the opposite sex be there at
any time?
-
Regarding slumber parties, will the
parents be home and up ALL NIGHT?
-
Will there be alcohol or drugs at
the party?
-
Can I trust my teen?
-
Will the kids be leaving the house
at all for a movie or out to eat?
Then, there will be comments
from your own children you need help in dealing with:
-
It’s not fair.
-
Everyone else’s parents are letting
them go.
-
I am old enough.
-
Don’t you trust me?
-
I am a good kid.
In my opinion, with all this
to think about, we have to trust God with our needs. We should pray and ask the
Lord by His Holy Spirit to show you His will in each and every situation. Then,
we must be willing to do what we feel in our heart He is saying to you and/or your spouse. Trust
that the Holy Spirit will guide you, and respect how He leads other parents
too. As I have learned, there is a lot at stake in decisions we make for our
children. While we don’t want to over-protect our kids, we don’t want to put
them in situations that could affect the rest of their lives. Trust God and his
Holy Spirit for direction.
I personally believe parents
need to decide what is best for their children. In my hypothetical Facebook
post, I am speaking as a parent who has already raised my kids. If I had to do
it over again, I would not just randomly allow my children to spend the night
over with acquaintances or attend sleepovers. It seems that there are more
dangers prevalent now than 30 years ago, so we are looking at different times
and different circumstances. And for those who asked why I would limit
sleepovers at my house also – I think it would just be for consistency sake
actually! But one thing I know for sure is that Jesus is the same yesterday,
today, and tomorrow. And, with the responsibility we have to raise our children,
it would be wise to remember that we need to decide what is best for our
children, we need to seek wisdom, and we need to possess discernment, and we
need to follow God’s leading in all situations, including this one!
Verses:
1 Kings 3:9-12
Psalm 18:2
Psalm 119:105
Psalm 119:99
Psalm 127:3
John 16:13
Ephesians 3:17
Philippians 4:6-7
Colossians 3:20
2 Thessalonians 3:3
James 1:2-5
Patti Londa Greene, Author
Awaken Me: A Devotional Prayer Journal
God, It’s Me: 181 Days for Young Adults to Become
Passionate about Prayer and Bible Study
(Coming
Summer, 2014)
Available on Amazon.com and
BN.com
