Friends and Friendship

My friends remind me of flowers. They come with different names, different looks, different colors, and different occupations. They come with different parts, different fruits, different talents, and different purposes. Some flowers bloom at night and some flowers bloom during the day.

Our friends may be like us or they may be totally different than us. When I look at my close friends today, none of our relationships are the same. Some need nurturing; some need to nurture me. Some give me advice; some I give advice to them. Some like to eat at Mexican restaurants; some like to chat in their homes. Some like to talk politics; some do not know a thing about politics. Some friends are around for a season; some are around for a lifetime. Diversity reigns in friendships – and it’s so much fun.

Over the years, I have had many different kinds of friends. Some have been there to laugh with me; others have been there to encourage me; and others have been there to pull me out of a pit! My friends are valued treasures. They each have had a purpose in my life even if only for a season. Each friendship has been distinctive and productive.

My daughter is VERY social. I think she has around 1,800+ Facebook friends. When she had her third baby, I looked at her Facebook page and she had over 500 congratulations within 12 hours after the birth. That is incredible to me. I can tell you that she did NOT get her social energy from me. I am one of those people who usually have only a handful or two of good, solid friends at a time. I really can’t handle much more than that and be the type of friend I want to be (or should I say the type of friend God made me to be.)

Friends can be the biggest blessing ever. They are treasures to be valued. But, they can also be a huge disappointment if they stab you in the back or if they don’t fulfill their promises to you. But today, I want to talk about the kind of friends that love, nourish, and influence us for the better. Those are the friends I am most grateful for and those friends are whom I want to honor today in this blog.

A question I hear expressed over and over again is, “How should friends treat each other?” I want my friends to be gut-wrenching honest and respectful with me. I want my close circle of friends to cheer me up, to minister to me, to build me up, and to accept me for who I am – the good, bad, and the ugly. I, in turn, hope I can be that same kind of friend to them. The most hurtful thing I have experienced with friends, or should I say ‘so-called-friends’ is when I have found out they have betrayed a confidence and/or gossiped about me. Some of you know how painful that can be. It’s not nice.

On Pinterest, I found this quote by Ed Cunningham. On the post he says, “Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.”  How true is that? With casual acquaintances we expect to say, “Hi, how are you?” anticipating the common answer as "I'm fine.” But, with our friends, we want more than the “I’m fine” response. We enjoy listening to them, learning about their life, and loving them.

Our friends shape our lives. They help us make the right choices. They will pray for us. They will support us in our anguish. And they know when to give us breathing room. Social media friends are nice for a little chat every once in a while, but face-to-face communication is best for deep friendships. I love my ‘SHOW AND TELL’ friends. Those are my friends I can stuff my purse with grandchildren pictures, my newest lipstick, my ‘not so good’ sewing attempt, and just share them. It is through this sharing that they will learn what made me who I am today. And, I love it when my friends turn around and share their “deep moments” with me, like perusing their wedding album, showing me their garden, or taking me to their favorite hangout.

The Bible talks of many friendships. God and Abraham were friends. Abraham trusted God to lead him in the right direction. Jonathan and David had a deep friendship that started in their youth. Even though they had parted due to necessity, their love for each other and their immediate family remained strong until death and even after. Ruth and Naomi were brought together through Naomi’s marriage to Ruth’s son. When Naomi’s husband died, their friendship continued and their friendship brought peace, joy, and contentment to each other. Then, there is Peter and Jesus. Peter stood by Jesus until his death. Even though Peter had denied Jesus, their relationship reconciled and continued. You might find yourself in the midst of one of these kinds of friendships right now. If so, be grateful - they are God's gift to you.

Unfortunately, some people do not have many or any friends. This type of loneliness is tragic. Many times loneliness engulfs someone while they are living or working around multitudes of people. When I first moved from St. Louis to Houston, I struggled with loneliness. Sure, I met people at work, but they were casual acquaintances. I remember for years not having even one person that I knew well enough to call up on the phone to talk to. Even being a church member was not meeting my “friendship quota.”  Friends take time and between working a full time job and having a body that tired that I required a daily nap, I could not make friends. I just was doing all I could to get through the day juggling my job, the kid’s school activities, and my much needed daily siestas. Occasionally, a nice long phone call or a random chat would meet my need, but it was not too long until, I was feeling lonely again craving what I could not give, but still I longed to have.

In 2012, I retired from my job. I suddenly found myself with time to make some friends. I knew that close friendships take time to cultivate. I started praying for the Lord to show me who would meet my “friend need.” I realized I had to create time and be the initiator of “friend time” – sort of like how young moms plan play dates for their children. I needed to make adult play dates. I decided to invite people out to lunch just so we could chat and get to know each other. Unbelievably, I now have the reputation of having a "LUNCH MINISTRY" meaning I go out to lunch and get to know people. While I can’t say that everyone I reached out to reached back, but those who did usually became my good friends. I have not obtained thousands of friends, but I do have some very close friends that are there for me no matter what. But, it took time and effort on my part.

As I have mentioned, my relationships with my friends are all different. Most of these friends and I have a spiritual connection; we talk about God and spiritual matters also.

Below is the first word that came to mind when I was thinking of my friends. Their names have been changed, but just look for their diversity.

Gail – What fun we have laughing!

Penelope – A good political discussion gets our minds moving.
Sheila – Oh boy, we share pictures of our kids and grandchildren when we are together.
Kris – In the old days, ice-skating together was cool.
Betty – When I need encouragement, Betty is always there.
Bobbie – I listen. Bobbie listens. We learn from each other.
Debra – A deep chat on books, publishers, and business can nourish us both.
Jolie – Crazy. Oh crazy Jolie. We are so different but we can act crazy together.

Andrea – Fashion, purses, shoes, shopping – that is our link.

Wilemenia – It never fails. We go and eat Mexican Food! We love it.

If you find yourself lacking in friendship, you most likely will have to make the first step. Invite someone to breakfast, lunch, dinner, or anywhere that suits your fancy - somewhere where you can converse and get to know one another! Understand that not everyone you desire to be your friend will want to be yours. They may be overloaded with other responsibilities or life issues, so do not allow your feelings to be hurt. Each attempt to cultivate a friendship is one step closer than you were before. I have been in positions where I have inwardly though that I could never be friends with so-and-so. And guess what God did? He made some of them my very best friends. Show yourself friendly, be interested in those you encounter, and keep praying.

My friendship ramblings could go on, but I will stop now so you can spend a little time meditating about friends you have had, friends you have now, and friends you will have in the future. Sometimes you end up with a weed (a bad choice of a friend) and you need to walk away. Other times you may end up with a big ‘ol pink Gerber daisy type friend to laugh and share your life journey with. Best wishes all!

Bible Verses:

And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.
Luke 6:31 ESV

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Romans 12:10 ESV

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 17:17

Prayer:

Lord, thank you so much for the friendships you have allowed me to have and those I have right now. Allow me to be the kind of friend that will honor you and your Word. Let me recognize and reach out to people who need a friend. Let me love others as I honor You and Your Word. In Jesus’ Name. Amen

Comments are welcome.

Awaken Me: A Devotional Prayer Journal (ISBN 978-1-4627-2578-6)
God, It's Me: 181 Days for Young Adults to Become Passionate about Prayer and Bible Study (ISBN 978-1-4627-3821-2)

My Friend Tamara: Life, God, Cancer, and Death

Tamara, my good friend passed away this month. She was only 40 years old. Thirteen months earlier she had been diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer that had metastasized to her brain, bones, liver, and stomach. She fought a valiant fight to survive. She did not want to leave her 4 children. I was honored to be asked to speak at her funeral service. I want to share my thoughts on my friend who passed away way before her time. The following are the words I spoke at her funeral service. We all know someone who either has or had cancer; thus this disease affects us all. Please, let me take this opportunity to encourage every women to have their annual mammogram.

The name of the church and the family names have been changed for privacy sake.

 

 



Thank you all for coming to Tamara’s service. My name is Patricia, and Tamara and I were very good friends.­­­­­ Today, I have two “notes” to share with you - one from me and then one from my husband Joe. But, first, I will like to share my remembrances of a lovely lady.

Tamara was a praying woman. She shared with me about how scared she was when she moved to Houston from Pennsylvania. But, she said that her parents always told her to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. She wasn’t going to church, but her mom said, “Tamara, you were raised in church – you need to take the children to church.” Her mom gave her the idea to go to the closest church. That was this church – Fruits Baptist Church. She told me she remembers the pastor saying one day that, “You don’t have to feel lonely!” The next day Tamara she attended a Sunday School Class. She claimed she used to be shy, but she prayed, “God, who can I talk to?” It was in that Sunday School class that she told me once that God provided and it was through that class that she was able to share her life with other people and was where I became friends with Tamara. One day, Tamara  and  I were talking and I said, “Do you have anything special I can pray for you?” She just looked at me in unbelief that I asked her that. I didn’t understand. Then, she proceeded to tell me that I asked her those exact same words after a Sunday School class one day, and those words were the catalyst that started our friendship. Tamara became an active participant in our Saturday mornings fellowship luncheon which we had once a month too.

One day, I saw Tamara the happiest I had ever seen her. You see, in May, 2013, we threw her a surprise 39^th birthday party. And believe me SHE WAS TOTALLY SURPRISED. We had balloons, cards, presents, and birthday cake. We sang happy birthday to her. She was so overwhelmed with love that her joy went from laughter to tears. It was at this party that Tamara shared the story of her life with us. The Holy Spirit filled the home and filled all of our hearts. While she was blessed, I think everyone who attended her birthday party left more filled and inspired than even she was.

 

She shared about how her mom sold tomatoes to help her attend a school where she could learn English. She shared about the beautiful furniture her dad made as a carpenter.  In Tamara’s own words, she said the following about her parents.

 

“My parents raised all of their children to believe in God. My mum taught us that God is the only one you can depend on in life. My dad taught us how to pray for our food and for our sicknesses. My parents raised us well. In Zambia, where most of the people they knew died of AIDS, we had parents that took good care of us. We grew up in bad neighborhoods, but my parents were strict. They were always asking us if we prayed for this or prayed for that.”

 



Tamara loved Skyping with her family in Africa. She used to tell me about how her dad was quiet, but sometimes she would share something with them and they would get so excited praising God and dancing around. One time Tamara was at my house and I told her I prayed for her often. She said, “You do?” Then, I proceeded to show her in my prayer journal how she was on almost every day. In a sneaky Tamara kind of way, she tried to read the lines in my “personal journal.” She wanted to know EXACTLY what I was praying for her.
 

Before she was diagnosed with cancer, I prayed for her peace, for hope, for a place to live, for a job, for a car wreck she was in, for Sunday to get a job, for her children and more. Joe and I’s lives became totally intertwined with the family. One time our son Joseph took Sunday, her oldest son, with him to a park in Houston. They went walking on a path while Joseph taught an exercise class. When the class was over, Joseph couldn’t find Sunday anywhere. After waiting about 2 hours (and having many conversations with Tamara about Sunday’s whereabouts, Joseph called the police. Thursday night must be a low crime night because about 5 patrol cars were out searching for Sunday. Finally, one of the policemen found Sunday around 9 at night (in the dark) in the Bayou near the Beltway. The police picked up Sunday and drove him to Joseph's car quite a few miles away. Tamara and I laughed so hard many times about how Sunday was able to get such special treatment and how he got to ride in a police car and he didn’t even do anything wrong. That is just one example of the laughter we shared on many occasions.
 

Tamara’s love for her children was so strong. If I had to sum up what Tamara felt about each child, it would be this:
 

Victor [5th Grade]: Your mom fell in love with your tender and sweet spirit; keep smiling for her. You are any mom’s dream. Devon [7th Grade] : Your mom was so proud of your musical talent and fun loving spirit; When you play your music, play well for your mom! And remember Luka, your mom thinks you are the best cleaner in the family.
 

Faith [11th Grade]: Your mom was so happy to have a little girl; she was thrilled with your dancing ability and your strong desire to do well in school; keep it up for her, and keep dancing.
 

Sunday [2013 High School Graduate]: What you have done for your family this past year has been unbelievable. You were the man of the house for the three kids; you nurtured them; you made sure they were fed; you saw that all their school papers were signed; you got them to and from school; you took your mom to her doctor appointments; you cared for her. You gave up a year of working and going to school to help your family. You will be blessed. Tamara depended on you and God allowed you the privilege of caring for her through her diagnosis and treatment. You will be blessed. And, your mom DID notice your responsible behavior.

And myself, I have been blessed by knowing Tamara and her family. She taught me how to love unconditionally; she taught me to always be faithful; she taught me so much about the African culture so when I moved to Nigeria 1 ½ years ago, I felt ready to face the challenge. But, one thing she didn’t get around to teaching me (and she kept promising me she would teach me is to how to tie those African scarves around my head) – So, the first thing I will do when I see her in heaven with be to get her to show me that.
 

In conclusion, I would like to share some of Tamara’s words. In May, 2014, Tamara asked me to write this down for her and to keep it and today I would like to share them with you.

These are her exact words written 5 months before her passing.

Depression by Glory C. Odemene / Dedicated to Robin McLaurin Williams

Depression

by Glory C. Odemene

Dedicated to Robin McLaurin Williams

 

 

 

 

Notes before Poem! Scroll down for the actual poem!

 

Have you ever met someone and you instantly knew you liked that person. You just clicked! That happened to me not long ago - I met Glory and we instantly bonded. We have a lot in common, but we also knew we had a lot of differences.

 

As I was putting the final touches on my recently released devotional book, God, It's Me: 181 Days for Young Adults to Become Passionate About Prayer and Bible Study, I prepared myself to ask Glory if I could use some of her poetry excerpts in my own book. I made up a folder showing her exactly how her poetry would be used in the book along with her excerpts that I matched to my already chosen pictures. You know, after 18 years of being a librarian, I felt like I knew how possessive writers/authors/poets could be about their work, so I was understandably nervous when I asked her that one Sunday morning at church at the Four Points Sheraton Hotel in Lagos, Nigeria. While I was anticipating a possible "No" or a "Let me think about it," I remember Glory's big, brown eyes opening as wide as a raccoon. She was amazed that I was even asking her at all. She immediately said, "YES!" I was thrilled.

 

You see, Glory is the type of person who writes for the Lord. She gives him the credit and all the "glory." She even encourages people to share her God-inspired poems.

 

It is in this spirit, I am sharing Glory's most recent poem titled Depression. It is written for all who have or will ever encounter depression in their lives. As you read this poem you will see that the catalyst for this poem was the recent passing away of the well-loved comedian Robin Williams.

 

----------------------------------------------------

 

Depression

by Glory C. Odemene

Dedicated to Robin McLaurin Williams

 

Out there, it’s labeled bane of geniuses, cross of the consummate

Price for being bequeathed with exceptional talents: folks jump

As judges on the reckless wagon driven by this accomplished

Fellow who should know enough to be a role model but that also

Is an affliction; perpetual pressure to always smile, act nice and right

But hello this is reality not Broadway! Yet he contends crushing guilt

In lonesome cell whose innards scream, “Turkey!” at a dignitary.

Drained of joys for stellar feats, the global champion is whipped

A wimp in his own universe and unknown to the all-knowing world

The remote control is beyond his reach: he can’t predict how

His channels switch; no idea when dark days descend or duration

Of his sentence in that gloomy jail where struggle and strive all he

May, it seems he never can wear out that awful, unwanted skin.

Triggers range from tragedies to nothing, the sun suddenly goes south

In the middle of his day and like rag, the jewel is tossed into a hole.

He may appear surrounded and smiling but within he’s achingly alone

Flailing like a drowning man whose gasps show up as deviations on

The chart of trendy expectations. He grapples whatever his hands

Can find, seeking a reason, a means, to hope or not. A kind word

Could be the lifeline that keeps his head above, respiring when he

Would have been expiring, if aid’s arrival proves timely.

A bland-cold stare, mere rebuff that ignores his silent cries

Of desperation are sharp enough to cut that rope of hope.

It is not about privileges, positions, and possessions

It is a dreadful suit he wears all his life. Though glamor shields it

He yet feels it in those places where no other can see or tell.

Desperate for escape, he courts drugs, marries alcohol

Even changing locations appeal but fleeting thrills wane too soon

And he wakes to the revulsion of complicated addictions.

Experts and the ignorant diagnose and prescribe, tagging it

With tongue twisting labels that promise him no ease so alone

He either silently battles the monsters until end pays him a visit

Or he goes the way of bizarre and the world is shocked, more

By its perennial indifference than the fruits of his queerness.

The least to do today is exit the judges’ hub, extend kindness

To all you meet: you don’t know the monsters they are battling:

Just one word, one move, can make that difference between life

And death: everyone you meet is in warfare, your vote counts.

© Glory C. Odemene, 2014

(Dedicated to Robin McLaurin Williams)

 

Glory's Comments:

 

I remember growing up. I used to have dark days. It carried labels like, “Melancholy,” “Depression,” among others. It is considered the blight of the talented and a norm. You didn’t have much choice but to live with it. And I did for many years until the LORD broke through and delivered me. Sometimes, it just happens and down you sink. At others, it may be just a look you are not comfortable with, an unkind comment, or even being ignored, that triggers it. You have no control over when it descends and how long it lasts. Until you wake up one day and the sun is up, and following that lead, you crawl out to discover that all around is cheery once again.

Recently, I went through tragedies and instead of the typical accusers that make you feel wretched despite your achievements or tend to strangle you with guilt for errors, I was invaded and besieged by fears. They showed up in everything, every time, and everywhere I turned. I looked like I do every day, smiled as usual but deep down were cries no ears could hear. My world was crumbling but to everyone else, I was the same. God helped me walk through without hitting that dreaded bottom. It has been 14 years now and counting and I have never set my foot in that pit of a prison.

We are often so consumed by our personal pursuits that we become inured to the travails of those around us. Just like love and encouragement have helped many conquer their battles, our indifference and insensitivity can complicate matters for the weak. If only we can learn to stop and think again before we shoot. Imagine how much difference that will make in a world where the broken are trampled on every day? From experience, I know of only one cure that delivers without side effects, no relapse, and not at bank-breaking cost: Jesus: And whoever the Son sets free, is free indeed.

 

Glory!

Please feel free to forward/share this blog with your friends and family. And, we would love you to comment!

 

To read more of Glory's poetry excerpts, check out . . . http://amzn.to/1o4cm8x

 

www.PattiGreene.com



My Housekeeper

 



 

Yesterday I received a Facebook post from my good friend Glory. It was simple and easy to read, but so powerful. It simply said, “Become friends with people who aren’t your age. Hang out with people whose first language isn’t the same as yours. Get to know someone who doesn’t come from your social class. This is how you see the world. This is how you grow.” I do not know the source of this statement, but knowing my friend who posted it, I feel sure she meant that this is how you grow as a Christian.

As an USA expat living in Lagos, Nigeria, I have now seen poverty, unbelievable health problems, corruption, and the tears of people reaching out to God for help. But, I have also seen the calm sweet spirit of those who love Jesus and want to be obedient to Him no matter what life has brought them.

In Nigeria, most expats have housekeepers, cooks, and drivers. I am no exception. Yesterday, I told my housekeeper to show up, but that she was not going to clean for me, because I wanted to take her out for a birthday lunch. I decided to take her to a simple place next to our flat where we could walk to and not spend too much time.

I was ready to go. Mary (not her real name) showed up in a nice, lovely suit for the occasion. I was just wearing my regular old jeans that I had worn the past two days. I was gently jolted into reminding myself that this lunch was a very special occasion for her. We arrived at the restaurant. Remember, it is Nigeria. We had to proceed through a scanner and have our purses checked before being allowed entrance. The table in the main restaurant was covered with a bright white tablecloth adorned with a lovely folded cloth napkin. I ordered a steak and French fries. She ordered a hamburger and French fries. She ate her French fries with a fork. We laughed. I told her that in America, we eat our French fries with our fingers. I made her order a dessert since it was her birthday. She ordered an apple pie to go. She wanted to share her special occasion by bringing something home to her husband and son. Throughout the meal, we shared our lives. She told me about her tribal wedding and her white wedding. She asked me if I drove a car. She was shocked that someone from the USA didn’t have a driver to drive them everywhere. She doesn’t drive. You see, there is no opportunity here for her to ever own a car. She takes multiple buses to get home after cleaning my flat – sometimes taking up to three hours to get home.



One day I asked her what she really wanted if I could bring her one thing back from the U.S. Her answer wasn’t fancy clothes, toys for her son, or needed medicine. She wanted a new watch. Hers wasn’t keeping time correctly, so she wanted a new watch, so she wouldn’t be late to work.

The lunch ended. We walked back to my flat. She left. I sat down and I thanked God for an opportunity to share with someone who was not my age, someone I had to ask to repeat what she said when she jumped into her tribal dialect, and someone who definitely was not from my social class.

Then, later that night, when I read the post from my friend, I could totally relate to it, because I had just experienced it and lived it this very same day.

            While my housekeeper thanked me for my kindness towards her, I thanked God for the blessing I had just received.

Bible Verses:

“Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:12

“I will make them and the places around my hill a blessing; and I will cause the shower to come down in its season; there shall be showers of blessing.” Ezekiel 34:26

 

www.PattiGreene.com

Author of Awaken Me (ISBN 978-1-4627-2578-6) & God, It's Me (ISBN 978-1-4627-3821-

Six hours after I posted this blog, I received a message from Mary that I want to share. It is written exactly as she wrote it.

"Gudeven mum. I am very happy and appreciated for what u did for me .may almighty God reward u and bless ur family in jesus amen.I love u mum .thanks Mary."